The Media Office offers an advice column to help RMA students of all grades (PreK-12) on issues they are having at school, home, or with friends. All submissions are anonymous, and some have been changed slightly in order to protect identities. If you would like to submit an issue, you can put a notecard in the box (located in Proctor) or email me (Holly) at hollybrantley@rmacademy. But please, if you are having serious issues, talk to a trusted adult. There is no shame in asking for help.

Dear Holly,

How do I stop losing everything? My locker’s a mess, half the time I forget my math book at home, and I’ve already had to rewrite this note twice because I lost it before I could put in the box. It’s not that I’m disorganized, I just can’t remember where I put all my stuff and my grades are starting to suffer. What do I do?

Lost and Not Found

Dear Lost and Not Found,

First off, this problem is not just a problem for you, but the vast majority of students (and sometimes even teachers). While it sounds like just another thing to keep up with, I’d suggest getting a planner if you don’t already have one (I’ll explain in a minute) and downloading sticky notes onto your computer. The first step to stop forgetting things and to stop losing things is to get organized, and I promise it’s not as hard as you probably think.

With your planner, you need to write down your homework for every class. Let me repeat that: write down the homework for every class you have. Even if you don’t have homework that night, write down that you don’t have it! Do the same thing on sticky notes. Make a list of all the subjects you usually have homework in and, at the end of the day or whenever you get a chance, write down next to each class what needs to be completed. This way, at the end of the day, you have a nice, tidy list of what assignments you have and therefore what books you need to take home.

As far as actually keeping up with stuff, I’d suggest getting either a binder or folder for every class. I have a binder for each of my core subjects and then an accordion folder (I got mine for $3 at Walmart) that I keep all my “loose” papers in. If I have a permission slip or anything like that, it goes in that, and I check the accordion folder nightly. Also, at the end of each week I’d suggest cleaning the accordion folder, your bookbag, and your locker out. The same goes for school supplies. If you don’t already have one, I’d suggest investing in a pencil pouch for your pens, pencils, and highlighters. You should have a place for everything and, if you don’t, then it either needs to be thrown away or made a place.

Organization is one of those things that’s a bear to tackle at first, but gets easier as you practice it. If you’re still struggling after trying all this out, ask an organized classmate, teacher, or even me to help you out. Sometimes all you need is a guiding hand to really get going. I know once you get this problem taken care of you’ll be glad. You can do it!

Sincerely,

Holly Brantley

Dear Holly,

I’ve always been really good friends with the girls in my class, but now it seems like we’re not really friends anymore. They’re still nice to me, and I’m nice to them, but it doesn’t really seem like we have much in common anymore. I’m not sure what’s happened. We used to all hang out together, the boys and girls in my grade, but now it’s like the girls only want to hang out with the girls and the boys only want to hang out with the boy,s and if you want to hang out with a girl (if you’re a boy), then you and the girl get made fun of.

I Just Want My Friends Back

Dear I Just Want My Friends Back,

Getting older can be a really awesome thing. Note I say getting older and not growing up. While maturing and growing in yourself is definitely something that needs to happen, you don’t have to become “stuffy” or “boring” as you get older. As you get older, you’re given a lot more responsibilities which can be really awesome, like how middle schoolers get break, high schoolers get Fun Fridays, and juniors and seniors get Long Lunches. But, as great as getting older and maturing in yourself can be, it can also come with some downfalls, one of which can be starting to notice differences in boys and girls.

I’m sure you’ve almost always noticed at least some difference between the boys and the girls in your class, but as you get older, these differences are become a little more distinct. For example, it is a scientific fact that girls mature faster than boys (in other words, most girls above the age of ten or eleven do not find bathroom humor funny anymore). Because of this distinction, among others, there is going to be a natural division between boys and girls. It’s around the middle school age that these differences become even more noticeable and can result in more of a romantic attraction rather than a strictly platonic attraction. The problem lies in the fact that many people at this age are not mature enough to recognize the difference between the two.

The good news is, as you get older, this desire to tease friends who are boy-girl pairs diminishes. By the time you reach high school, those who have made fun of you and your female friends (or females and their male friends) will more than likely have grown out of that stage. If you think about it, the word “friend” is not masculine or feminine. Friends are people who care for, look out for, and love each other. The concept is not divided or determined based on gender. If you are mature enough at your age to realize that distinction, then you should first applaud yourself and then realize that you are also mature enough to realize that what others think about you is completely meaningless. While it may take some time for your friends to realize this too (and you need to be gracious and give them the space to do so), I can assure you that they will eventually come around. And, if not, it sounds like they’d be losing out on a very valuable friend in their life.

I’m a senior and have friends, both boy and girl, who I dearly treasure. Finding friends who really “get” you and who you “get” is hard enough, so my advice to you is to not let some immature individual steal your friend from you. If someone is to tease you, just ignore it. Eventually, the person who is teasing you will realize that they can’t get to you and leave you alone. While it might take a while for the rest of your class to realize this, you could be the leading force in it. Chances are, if some of your friends see you taking steps to rebuild former friendships with the girls, they too will follow suit. You’re at a fun, but tough, age. It’s going to be awkward at times and even scary, but I can promise you that the flower which will sprout from this season of growth will be well worth it. True friendship cannot be crushed.

Sincerely,

Holly Brantley

Dear Holly,

Everything is cold and miserable. I’m always cold, it’s cold outside, most of the time it’s cold in the classrooms, and it’s too cold to go outside. Then, to make it worse, there’s snow. I like a snow day as much as anyone, but when we have so many in a row it just feels like it goes on and on and on and on, and I’m sick of it. How do I escape the winter blues?

Say Snow to the Snow

Dear Say Snow to the Snow,

As someone who is pretty much cold 99% of the time, I can totally relate to your less than excited feelings toward cold weather (although, I must admit that I love the snow). As far as being cold is concerned, I’d suggest dressing in layers or even bringing a blanket to school. I know many people do that, and as long as you don’t get too cozy and fall asleep, I think it’s a great idea. Another suggestion for keeping warm is by making sure you stay properly hydrated, healthy, and apply lotion and lip balm as needed. It sounds bizarre, but the truth is the cold feels a lot less miserable if you don’t have chapped hands or chapped lips. Drinking more water and making sure you eat right will also improve your overall mood and might even help you to regard this weather in a warmer way (pun greatly intended).

Truth be told, these feelings you have toward this sometimes bleak weather isn’t that uncommon. In fact, there is even a psychological term for it — Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) for cases that are especially severe. It’s not just you who suffers from this problem, there’s lots of people. Keeping that in mind, your friends and family might be able to help you combat these winter blues.

I’m a firm believer that for every bad thing, there’s also something good. Even when it is dark and cloudy outside, behind those clouds is a sun patiently waiting to come out and shine. It’s kind of amazing, to think that the sun never truly stops shining. At night, the light from the moon is actually reflected from the sun. So, if you ever wonder where the light is, just remember it’s still there, you’ve just got to look for it.

Now, escaping boredom during snow days can be tricky. My advice is to stay busy. Catch up on school work, watch a movie, have a spa day, take a nap, bake a cake, clean out your room or closet, go outside and play, or just do something you love. By keeping yourself occupied the day will go on quicker. If you have a big family, it’s also really important that you carve out time during the snow day to be by yourself. Even if you are as extroverted as they come, having time to yourself will also greatly improve your mood and give you time to recharge.

Truthfully, fighting off the winter blues is much easier said than done. It’s going to take practice and you’ve got to give yourself time to figure it out. Also, you need to give grace to those around you who are trying to figure it out and not lash out when you get upset or frustrated. Your goal shouldn’t be to knock Jack Frost down, but instead extend a hand and make peace with him. And remember, winter is only one season out of four. Before you know it, spring will be here. You’ve just got to keep your head up and blanket on a few more months. You can do it!

Sincerely,

Holly Brantley

Dear Holly,

There are a lot of girls in my grade who have started wearing makeup. I don’t really wear or know a lot about makeup, but sometimes I feel like some of my friends wear a little too much. I don’t want them to think I’m being mean when I say it, but sometimes it doesn’t  look good. I don’t want to tell them their makeup looks bad and hurt their feelings, but I also feel like I should say something. What should I do?

Don’t Like Makeup, but Don’t Want to Start a Fight and Have to Make Up

Dear Don’t Like Makeup, but Don’t Want to Start a Fight and Have to Make Up,

The topic of makeup is one that has plagued girls since (probably) the beginning of time. I myself don’t know much about makeup, other than once I used mascara to to give my brother’s eye blacks during an epic nerf gun battle, but as I’ve gotten older, I’ve found it to be a fun and interesting thing to play with. In fact, a lot of people are really into makeup. I have several friends who might spend an hour or more doing their makeup and experimenting with different ways to show off their personalities. For a lot of people it’s not just part of a daily routine, but a way to express yourself. Keeping that in mind, you have to be extremely careful when approaching the topic of makeup with your friends:

1. If the reason you don’t think a person’s makeup looks “good” is because you yourself don’t like makeup/don’t like to wear a lot of makeup, then you shouldn’t say anything. While it’s totally okay for you not to wear makeup or to like the way it looks, it’s also totally okay for someone to love to wear makeup. What you do or don’t wear is really a personal preference.
2. If the reason you don’t think a person’s makeup looks good because there is something drastically wrong with it (such as someone applying eyeliner as lipstick or not rubbing in foundation enough so it looks like dust sitting on their face), then you might want to mention it to that person in a kind way. Sometimes when people are in a rush, they just forget to do part of their routine or finish it. Treat it the same way you would if you were telling a friend that there pants zipper wasn’t zipped or if there was something in their teeth– do it in a discreet, polite way. I know I’d be grateful if someone gently told me that I need to rub in my foundation or blush a little more.

Personally I go by the rule Aunt Becky gave DJ in Full House: The secret to wearing makeup is to make it look like you’re not wearing any. While I understand that this rule is not universal nor should it be, I think this is an important rule to follow for first-time makeup users. Just like with anything else, you should start off with the very basics of makeup and work your way up. Often times, if you don’t know what you’re doing a mom, older sister, or older friend would definitely be happy to help you figure it out.

To summarize, unless your friends’ makeup looks traumatizing bad (equal in embarrassment to having something stuck in your teeth), don’t say anything. But, if it does, approach the friend in a kind and gentle way. You could even suggest the two (or more!) of you hanging out to look up makeup tutorials on YouTube or have an older sister/mom show you some ropes. It could be a really awesome bonding moment for everyone and something I promise you won’t forget.

This all being said, there is one very important thing to remember: You are beautiful and wonderful just the way you are. Makeup is an enhancer. It is not there to cover up what you may consider the “ugly” parts of you. There are no ugly parts. Even if you don’t look like that Maybelline model, that does not mean you are any less beautiful. I know everyone says this, but it’s true. I love flowers and Christmas lights. To me, they’re two of the most beautiful things in the world…yet they look nothing alike. Beauty is not a size, a shade, or a shape; beauty comes from within. The famous children’s author, Roald Dahl, once said, “If you have good thoughts they will shine out of your face like sunbeams and you will always look lovely.” Although cliche, it’s true. Anyone can be pretty, but it takes a truly gentle, kind, and caring soul to be beautiful.

Sincerely,

Holly Brantley

Dear Holly,

There’s this person that I don’t get along with very well. The problem is that they’re a teacher. What do I do?

Teacher Troubles

Dear Teacher Troubles,

A fact of life is that sometimes there are just going to be people who you just can’t seem to find a common ground with. Some personalities just don’t go well together and there’s nothing you can do about it, other than try to reduce contact with this person. But, if the person with who you’re having trouble with is a teacher, it complicates an already extremely fragile situation.

First, it is important to remember that, before a teacher is a teacher, they are also a person. Every person has desires, dreams, favorites, and quirks, just like you. No matter what you yourself believe, even if it is in direct contrast with what the other person believes, you must respect their opinions. Every person has their own truth. The truth is, for me, that the best pizza comes from Papa Johns. For my friend, the best pizza comes from Dominoes. Neither of us is wrong, but neither of us is right either. But, instead of arguing over which is the best, we just accept that fact that we have different perspectives on pizza. Moving to a larger scale, you have to accept that this teacher is a person with their own perspective and you must respect that (which goes for all people, not just teachers).

Next, because you cannot distance yourself physically from your teacher like you could a classmate, you have to figure out a different way to distance yourself. While I believe that you should try to get along with everyone, if you truly believe that extended interaction will result negatively, then your best bet is to keep your distance. My advice would be to do your work, ask questions when you need to, and follow the teacher’s expectations to the best of your ability. Although we are a close-knit family at RMA, you don’t have to be close with everyone.

If you do your work and act respectfully toward your teacher, I can almost guarantee that you will find your relations with them will be smoothed over. It might even be helpful to mention this issue to a trusted friend who sits next to you in that particular class. They can help keep you on task and subject, focusing on what you’re learning instead of who is teaching it.

But, if you still continue to have issues with this teacher even after truly attempting all of this strategies, it might be time to talk with a trusted adult, especially if you’re getting in trouble or your grades are suffering because of it.

Sincerely

Holly Brantley