The first of many future monthly installments, the Media Office will be offering an advice column to help RMA students of all grades (PreK-12) on issues they are having at school, home, or with friends. All submissions are anonymous, and some have been changed slightly in order to protect identities. If you would like to submit an issue, you can put a notecard in the box (located in Proctor) or email me (Holly) at hollybrantley@rmacademy. But please, if you are having serious issues, talk to a trusted adult. There is no shame in asking for help.

Dear Holly,

All my friends are asking dates to the Middle School dance coming up, but the problem is that I don’t really want a date. I mean, I like the people in my grade, but I don’t really want to do anything like that. But, I’m worried my friends will make fun of me if I don’t take a date. What do I do?

Currently (and happily) Dateless

Hi Currently (and happily Dateless),

I think the problem you’re experiencing is something a lot of your friends are as well, but they’re just too shy to talk about it. Middle School is an amazing time in lots of aspects, but also kind of frustrating. You’re too old to be a cute little kid, but too young to be a “big” kid. With this, new feelings relating to the infamous “boy-girl” issue may be blossoming and, because it’s often regarded as an “embarrassing” topic, it isn’t really talked about other than in locker rooms and whispers. The other side of this is just as bad; if you’re not yet taking a note of a different kind of attraction, you could feel left behind or like you’re broken. You’re not. You’re just different, and there’s nothing wrong with that. Everyone matures at a different rate and, chances are, if you’re not one of those people obsessed with romantic relationships, you’re actually fairly mature for your age. In this case, the number one priority should be making sure you’re comfortable in what you chose.

In my opinion, I think you should do what you want. If you don’t want to take a date, don’t. There will be plenty of other people there without dates who I’m sure would be happy to dance with you. Also, if your friends are really your friends, they’re not going to make fun of you if you don’t bring a date. The beauty of a dance is that you’re there to dance. Most of the time, people dance a lot in groups. So, go to the dance, show up looking absolutely wonderful (which I’m sure won’t be hard to do), have a blast, and don’t care what anyone else thinks. As long as you’re making the best choice for you, you shouldn’t have anything to worry about.

Sincerely,

Holly Brantley

Dear Holly,

I’m studying really, really hard for all of my classes, but I’m still not doing very well. What do I do? I’ve tried studying different ways, but nothing I’ve done works. I feel like I’m drowning.

Barely Passing

Hi Barely Passing,

First off, the fact that you’re willing/want to do better is an awesome sign. If you’ve tried all sorts of methods for studying, it may be time to look for a tutor. There’s a ton of high schoolers that tutor and even some teachers too. I’m sure they’d be happy to help you. Also, have you tried talking to the teachers whose classes you’re having trouble with? Often, teachers are more than happy to give you some advice, help you, or point you in the direction of someone who can help you.

If you’re nervous about doing that for fear of seeming “dumb,” you shouldn’t. I’ve had to have help in some subjects before too. The dumb thing is not asking for help when you need it.

For the drowning part, take a deep breath. You can’t help what’s already happened (what grades you’ve already gotten), but you can help what’s about to happen (the grades you’re going to receive in the coming weeks). One thing that helps me is studying a little (say 10-15 minutes) every night. I know that’s really helped with AP classes and makes the night before the test a little less stressful.

So, Barely Passing, hang in there! I know you can do it!

Sincerely,

Holly Brantley

Dear Holly,

There’s this girl I like, but she doesn’t like me back. What do I do?

Help

Dear Help,

My biggest piece of advice is not to take this personally. Chances are, the person that you had an affection for feels kind of bad for letting you down/feels bad for (possibly) hurting your feelings. Although it will likely take time, and it hurts some now, you will eventually get over it. Take the energy you are using to worry about/think about this issue and channel it into something positive. If you like to paint, paint more. If you like to read, read more. If you like to sing, sing more. Use that negative energy and turn it into positive by doing things you enjoy. Not only will you be happier, but it will also get your mind off of things. Focus on your friendships (with this person if you were previously friends or with your other friends). Remember, no one can make you happy, sad, or upset without your consent. You are in charge of your own happiness.

Also, I want to commend you for being honest with this person. Saying something like that takes a lot of guts, and the fact that you are comfortable enough with yourself and your emotions just confirms the fact that you will be able to see how, this too, will pass. Life wouldn’t be any fun without a little risk.

Sincerely,

Holly Brantley

Dear Holly,

Between everything going on in my life (work, school, activities, etc.), I’m struggling balancing sleep and studying. If I sleep and don’t study, my grades suffer because I don’t know what I’m talking about. But, if I study and don’t sleep, my grades suffer because I’m so tired the next day I can’t concentrate on what I’m trying to do. My life literally feels like it’s crumbling.

I’m so tired I can’t even think of a na-

Dear I’m so tired I can’t even think of a na-,

I’m just going to preface this by saying your mental and physical health should always be your number one priority. Before you worry about anything else, you need to make sure your needs are met (make sure you’re eating right, drinking enough water, and sleeping enough hours). Taking care of yourself should always been a top priority.

Now, once you have met your physical needs, we can tackle the problem of studying and your other activities. If you have a study hall, take full advantage of that. Even though it may be tempting to talk to friends, set reasonable goals to have completed by the end of each study hall (for instance, say “I’m going to read twenty pages of this book by the end of study hall”). After school (and after your extracurriculars), one thing that may help is doing your homework in chunks. Do your English homework, watch a (short) TV show on Netflix, walk/play with your dog, etc, do your math homework, take a break, and repeat until all of your homework is done. While it will take you longer overall to finish, you may not feel as drained when you’re done. Another suggestion is to listen to music while doing your homework, which is what I do (except not when you’re reading because then the lyrics will interfere with your inner reading voice). It really makes the time go by faster. For AP-like classes, where there is no assigned homework, I suggest studying about 10-15 minutes every night and not cramming the night before an test. All that will do is stress you out.

In short, you always need to make sure you take care of yourself. If you don’t take care of yourself, it is impossible to care for others or be your best self in your everyday life. If you’re still having issues balancing, talk to a parent, teacher, or an older peer who has been where you are now. They survived and I know you will too. Best of luck!

Sincerely,

Holly Brantley

Dear Holly,

Somebody (read: lots of people) parks really bad in the parking lot, and I’m scared they’re going to scratch my car. What do I do?

Don’t Touch My Car

Dear Don’t Touch My Car,

This is a really good question! I’ve heard lots of people talking about and trying to resolve this issue. My advice is, if it is one person who consistently doesn’t park well, to just talk to them about it in a kind, calm manner. You could say something along the lines of, “Hey, I saw you parked kind of close to my car this morning. Do you think you could be more careful tomorrow morning?” A lot of times, people don’t even realize they’ve parked crooked/outside the lines.

But, if the problem persists and you’ve tried talking to them, it may be time to take a little bit of a more firm approach. Try saying something along the lines of, “Hey, I really need you to pay more attention when you’re parking. I don’t want anything to happen to your car or my car or anyone else’s car.” Most people, at this point, will actually try to park better if you make it a little more personal.

If this person consistently parks in a way endangering/inhibiting other students, you may need to consider speaking with a trusted adult.

Sincerely,

Holly Brantley

Dear Holly,

I’m having a lot of issues adjusting to high school. I’ve got a ton more work and I’m really concerned I’m going to get run over by an older kid in the hallway.

Eventual Hallway (Road) Kill

Dear Eventual Hallway (Road) Kill,

High school is a huge adjustment and every high school sophomore, junior, and senior knows exactly what you’re going through! Classes are now divided into different levels and get harder, you’ve got a different schedule from middle school (as far as break and lunch/flex are concerned), clubs are introduced, more freedom is allowed, and suddenly everyone expects you to act like a grown-up. It’s overwhelming!

My first piece of advice is to relax. It’s all going to work out, you’ve just got to give it time. Remember, we’re just now at the end of the first trimester so, really, after being in middle school for three years, now you’re being thrown into a completely different world. It’s going to take some adjustment time. You’ve got to cut yourself a little bit of a break.

For your school work load, take full advantage of your study hall (see above). If you’ve got an A block, use that as your study time (or, if you have Ms. Baker, use it to read or work on your Daybook!). Also, one big part of high school is learning to manage your time. The biggest piece of advice any veteran upper schooler will tell you is, under no circumstance, DO NOT PROCRASTINATE! If you can manage not to do that, you’re already going to be off to a great start. Also, your advisor I’m sure has plenty of awesome tips and tricks and would be happy to share with you.  

Now, about getting run over…as a senior, I am genuinely terrified of getting run over as well. My best advice is to try not to get in the way of anyone bigger than you and hope for the best! 🙂 Seriously though, sometimes you just have to be slightly aggressive and nudge your way through. Just make sure you watch out for younger kids who are substantially smaller. If everyone watched out for the younger/smaller kids, it would be a lot less frightening. Truth be told though, chances are you aren’t actually going to get knocked down, but, even if you do, I guarantee there will be plenty of people who help you get up.

Sincerely,

Holly Brantley

Dear Holly,

My buddy does not like me. I don’t know why, but she/he doesn’t talk to me and I don’t know what I’ve done.

Buddy-Less

Dear Buddy-Less,

I’m going to split this up into two different sections, but summarize my main advice here: don’t take it personally.

If it is your little buddy: Many younger students are intimidated by their older buddies. Think about it. The age difference between buddies is about seven years and, even if you’re on the shorter side, the chances are you are substantially bigger and taller than your smaller friend. It’s natural, especially if they’re younger, for them to be frightened of you. As the years go on and they get used to seeing you, chances are they will become more open and talkative but, you also have to remember that some people have quiet, more reserved personalities. If someone does have a meeker personality, chances are, it’s not that they don’t like you, but just don’t have anything to say. Keep encouraging your younger friend with questions, but don’t push them too much. They’ll come out of their shell when they’re ready and you, as the older student, just have to give them the time and the grace they need to do that.

If it is your big buddy: Ironically, some of us older students are actually intimidated by our younger buddies! The thought of watching over a younger friend is kind of terrifying, as we want to make sure you stay safe and engaged with whatever activity we are doing. Chances are, it isn’t that your older buddy dislikes you, but is just so focused on making sure you are where you need to be and are safe (if anything were to happen, they would be the one held responsible). Another aspect to this may be simply that your older buddy is shy. It might not be that they don’t like you, but instead don’t have anything to say. To get conversations going, ask your older buddy questions (about their day, their favorite color, etc.). I promise that’ll help. Also, don’t run away from your buddy at events. You will definitely gain some brownie points by behaving!

Sincerely,

Holly Brantley

Dear Holly,

What do I do about a friend who always wants to copy my homework?

That’s What Friends Do?

Dear That’s What Friends Do?,

Cheating. Most of the time we think about the severity of this only being on test or other graded work but, reality is, anything that you pass off as your own that isn’t actually your own is cheating. While it may seem like an okay, or even nice, thing to do sometimes, it isn’t okay for a friend to be asking to copy your homework. It especially isn’t cool of them to always want to do so. Think about it like this: the purpose of homework is so you get a chance to practice what you’ve learned that day. If your friend copies your homework, they’re not practicing what they learned that day, but what you learned that day (whether it be right or wrong).

This could especially be a problem if you’re a high schooler. If caught/reported cheating, the cheater and the person who let them cheat could potentially be sent to the Honor Council. Honor Council is a group of high school students who would then listen to the case and decide your punishment with faculty advisors. If found guilty, this infraction could also go on your record. Nobody wants something like cheating to follow them the rest of their high school career, especially when it comes time to applying to college.

My advice is to talk to your friend. Explain this to them in a kind, calm way so that they don’t feel like they’re being attacked (if they feel like they’re being attacked, they’ll just shut down). You could say, “Hey, I know you want to copy my homework, but I just don’t feel right about letting you copy it. If you want, I can help you with yours,” “Look, if you keep this up, we’re both going to get into trouble for it. I don’t mind helping you, but you can’t just copy me,” or even, “You can’t copy my work (anymore). If you don’t understand it, ask [the teacher] to help you or [a friend that’s good at the subject].”  Eventually, whether it’s today, tomorrow, or two years from now, you and your friend will get caught. It’s better to go ahead and have this talk so that way you don’t have to later.

If this person is really your friend, they may have a hard time accepting this at first, but they will eventually come to terms with it and respect it. They don’t have to like it, but you, and the friend, need to both know that you are not going to allow them to copy your homework, or any work (anymore).

Sincerely,

Holly Brantley